How to Make Friends in College as An Introvert?
Making friends in college can be intimidating if you’re an introvert, but honestly, it doesn’t need to be.
You probably already know to join clubs and attend social events, but the advice falls short on a crucial key that leads to friendship.
What if, instead of forcing yourself into social situations, you focused on becoming both interesting and interested?
Right before we get into this strategy, I really want to recommend reading How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety by Ellen Hendriksen.
This is an outstanding book for introverts who want to break out of their social anxiety and create authentic connections with others.
The Problem with Common Advice on Making Friends
Much of the popular advice given when asking “How to make friends in college?” boils down to being sociable…
Sign up for clubs, attend events, or strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know.
For some, that will do it. But for introverts, that amounts to strenuous activity.
It’s not that introverts have no desire to make friends; they just are not comfortable with the interactions at social events.
So Instead of throwing ourselves into social events, we should focus solely on why and how friendships actually form.
How Friendships Start & Continue
Friendships don’t simply arise because two people happened to attend the same event once.
It all starts with mutual interest, and we always put this into our own words saying “He/she is cool, and I want to get to know him/her better”.
Then that initial interest allows them to get to know each other on a personal level.
And over time, the foundation of the friendship shifts from curiosity about who the other person is to simply enjoying each other’s company.
That’s why, if you ask old friends why they like each other, they’ll often say, “I just enjoy being around them” rather than mentioning specific details about each other’s lives.
However, without that initial phase of interest, the friendship would never have had the chance to develop.
This is why the concept of being both interesting and interested is the most important when trying to make “new” friends.
Example
For instance, if you join an art club out of passion and to make new friends but lack experience or knowledge in art, you might end up on the sidelines.
Club members will likely prefer engaging with someone who can share something unique.
This is why popular individuals often excel at something—be it athletics, music, or another talent.
How to Implement this Tactic Today
Now that you know why this works, let’s discuss how to start using this strategy effectively.
1- Identify something that genuinely interests you and focus on developing your skills or knowledge in that area.
The more proficient you become, the more engaging you’ll be to others who share that interest.
2- Put yourself out there among like-minded individuals.
This will help increase the chances of mutual interest to occur and start a friendship.
This is why one of the most common pieces of advice when asking “How to make friends at college?” is to “join clubs.”
However, joining clubs you’re interested in isn’t enough if you lack knowledge or skill in that area.
If you’re not able to contribute meaningfully, others won’t find you interesting and will rather talk to someone who can share something unique.
